good evening livejournal,

my thoughts consume my every being, all my cells, and all my breaths. My head and heart are tired of this ever constant ache. this ever constant need for affection and love that doesn't seem to want to happen.
I'll soon find out the results of my MRI

hella nerve wrecking!

 hello livejournal,
my MRI is this friday at 4pm. 




i feel so alone. 

hey livejournal!

            what the hell is up? well nothing is really new. I hella want to see Katy Perry in May but idk who's gonna take me. :D
its all the way in Santa Barbara. my uterus is ridiculous and i want to have my MRI done already so i know what the hells wrong with mee! so not fucking cool kaiser! :[    i guess matthew lost his ipod, since he cannot seem to find that shit anywhere. 

&& thats lifed

Good morning Livejournal,
            today I'm going to have a blood test taken to tell me if i am pregnant or not. I'm going after work. But Matt's being an asshole all of a sudden and told me he didnt want to fucking go with me. :( whatever. if he's gonna be like that he might as well leave now. pack your shit and get out of my space. I just got off the phone with him right now. fuck that. it take two and its not all on me. :sigh: i'm sad and now all i want to do is cry.
:sigh:
until later,
Kateytrademark

 Good evening,

this is my livejournal so get ready for a whirl-wind of thoughts. 

get ready...




ready???

OKAY!

well i am officially almost 2 weeks late. which makes me think even more that i am pregnant. good, bad, i am not sure? i've already had one miscarrige so i don't know what to think. i would like to have the baby stay this time if i am pregnant. i'm not gonna lie i will be a little upset if i am not pregnant, but what really could be making this shit delay two weeks? i really wouldn't mind having a baby. i like the idea of me as a mother i think i'd do a great job. i don't know what matt thinks about all this. i know he doesn't really want a baby right now but you can help what's already been done. i really hope he doesn't leave me. in my mind i think he might and that really tears me apart but i can make it without his help. i never had anyones help so i don't count on it right fucking now. :D its cute to think a babys inside my belly. i haven't done anything bad at all, wel before i realized my period was uber late i did but now i am well. i'm eating and sleeping and not smoking :)
i have an ultrasound appointment on wednesday and i guess i'll know then? but i am going to do a pregnancy test on tuesday morning, i read that you should take it in the morning because all the urine has had time to sit in there so you'll have more of the pregnancy hormone in the urine so its a more accurate read.  matt & i are engaged anyway but i mean he could still leave me whenever. he barely even wears the ring i bought him on our three year anniversary so we could have matching engagement rings. he seemed stoked when he opened it but he just leaves it on the table..
it really hurts my feelings but what can i do? I'm not going to force him to wear it, i'll just forget to put mine on when i get out of the shower. 
i really just have the what if i am pregnant thing on my mind. so yeah,

thats were i'll leave this ....


until later,
Kateytrademark.